Unsaid Feelings
by Dark's Mistress
Summary: Yuuri and Wolfram reflect on Yuuri's departure. SONG FIC. Hate Me by Blue October and When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne
1. Hate Me

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own Kyou Kara Maou…yet

Title: Hate me (Song fic)

Author: Me (darksmistress)

Series: Kyou Kara Maou  
Pairing: Yuuram

Genre: Angst

Notes: This happens at the end of the series when Yuuri leaves Shin Makoku (for what he thinks) forever. This is how I make him feel about it.

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Yuuri found himself once again in his room, on his bed, brooding over leaving Shin Makoku. All he could think about lately was those he left behind. One, in particular, was in his thoughts more often. The guilt in leaving _him_, was the worst of all.

_I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head  
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed  
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone_

He replayed all the memories he had left of _him_. He didn't want to forget. He was scared to forget. Only when reliving those memories did he realize what an idiot he was, what a wimp he was, for not noticing _him_.

Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home  
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain 

His family was worried about him. He still ate, but not very much. He'd sleep but without rest, he would wake with wet eyes and the haunted vision of green orbs staring sadly at him. He would talk, but only when asked something directly, he'd only give a short response. Even baseball meant nothing to him anymore.

He felt dead without that annoying, loving, insulting, beautiful, loyal, berating, trusting blonde with him.

It had taken him three days to figure out that he loved _him_.

He'd tell himself continuously that 'It was for the best', 'You don't deserve him', 'He doesn't need me'.

_An ounce of peace is all I want for you. _

He remembered all the times _he_ had told Yuuri how much _he_ loved him. How sincere it was.

And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face? 

Yuuri always pushed him away, not accepting of _his_ love, _his_ care.

_  
It is I that wanted space_

So Yuuri would try his best to send out a telepathic message to _him_. Not asking for forgiveness, he didn't deserve it. But telling the blonde that he should forget about him. He wanted _him_ to move on, no matter how much it broke his heart thinking about _him_ being with someone else.

_Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you_

_So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind  
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind_

_  
Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you_

Hate me in ways  
Yeah ways hard to swallow  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you  


He remembered leaving _him_.

_  
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave_

Yuuri closed his eyes and remembered his walk home from the fountain, when he had transported back for the last time. Reflecting on what he had just done.

_  
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made_

_And like a baby boy I never was a man_

He remembered how he imagined _his_ face to be when he had turned away.

_  
Until I saw your green eyes crying and I held your face in my hand_

When he realized his feelings, he couldn't help but feel angry at himself, he wanted to forget so much. Just to get rid of the guilt and pain that flooded his heart.

_  
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"  
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be_

Yuuri knew the unspoken words that _he_ had never said. _He_ cared too much for Yuuri that he would never push him or make him feel guilty for not returning his love.

_  
And then he whispered "How can you do this to me?"_

Yuuri let hot tears flow from his eyes, and sent his message out once more.

_  
Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you_

Hate me in ways  
Yeah ways hard to swallow  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

This is how Yuuri would leave things. He would never forget _him_. He would punish himself from now on with the guilt. He wouldn't allow himself to forget.

Although he would never be able to say it to _him_ directly, he'd still say it time and time again.

"I'm sorry, Wolfram"

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This is my first song fic, so I hope it wasn't too bad. I woke up this morning and turned my radio on and this song was playing. I liked this song before, and as I listened to the lyrics, I thought of Yuuri and Wolfram. So, yeah………

Plz R&R!


	2. When You're Gone

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own Kyou Kara Maou…yet

Title: When You're Gone (Song fic)  
Author: Me (darksmistress)  
Series: Kyou Kara Maou  
Pairing: Yuuram  
Genre: Angst  
Notes: This happens at the end of the series when Yuuri leaves Shin Makoku (for what he thinks) forever. This is how I make Wolfram feel about it.

There was a request to do this story in Wolfram's POV by Lady of Caeli (I'm sorry if I spelt it wrong!) So here you are, and I'm sorry it sucks!

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Wolfram knew it had been inevitable. Yuuri had to choose one world or the other eventually, and he would choose Earth. There was no doubt in Wolfram's mind. But when the time came and Yuuri had looked into Wolfram's eyes, hope had sprung up. Maybe, just maybe, Yuuri would stay in Shin Makoku. Stay with him. Wolfram immediately thought of Yuuri's loving mother, his overprotective brother, his accepting father. Yuuri would have to leave them all behind. Wolfram, no matter how much he wanted Yuuri to stay with him, no matter how strong his love was, couldn't let Yuuri leave them. He had smiled as best as he could and told him to go. If he had asked Yuuri to stay, would he? That question had been haunting him for the past several months. Wolfram had cried and shut himself away in his room. _Their_ room. He wished so much that Yuuri was there. Never in his life, not even when Conrad had left to fight in the war, had he felt such a need to cry on someone's shoulder.

I always needed time on my own  
I never thought I'd  
need you there when I cry

He didn't want to see anyone but Yuuri, and the rest of the castle knew that. Conrad tried offering fatherly support, but had been harshly turned away. Cheri had tried her best to comfort her son, but to no avail. Gwendal had tried to strictly order Wolfram back to his duties, hoping to distract him, but Wolfram had merely stared back blankly then looked away, claiming he had no energy to do anything at the moment. Greta had loyally stayed with her father, but soon, everyone thought it be best for her not to be with Wolfram. He would just sit and stare into nothing while she was there, never noticing her presence. It was starting to take a toll on the little girl. One father had left her physically, while the other had left her mentally. Eventually they all had stopped trying. It was useless. Wolfram would stay in his room, never leaving. Food would be sent up, though rarely eaten, and Wolfram would bathe often in the bathroom adjoining their room. Being in the water reminded him so much of Yuuri that it sometimes hurt, but it was all he could do to feel close to his love.

Wolfram now lay on their bed. The last time his mother was here, she had told him he had been 'cooped up here for two months!' and had begged him, 'please go outside! Please play with Greta! Please act like your old self!'. At the time, he hadn't taken any heed to what she had said, but noted lamely how it couldn't have been only two months. It had felt like an eternity since he had last saw a smiling face with no pity or ulterior motive sewn into it. He felt surrounded by babbling, lying puppets.

And the days feel like years when I'm alone 

He couldn't remember how long it had been since he had gone outside. He didn't want to anyway, everything had become gray, black or white. The color had drained away, along with Yuuri's cheerful presence. He tilted his head and wistfully stared at Yuuri's side of the bed, still made, awaiting its owner to slip in and fall asleep.

And the bed where you lie  
is made up on your side

Wolfram forced himself to once again remember when Yuuri had left. He watched him walk away, not even looking back. Wolfram had lost control of his resolve and reached for him, whimpered out his name. He had realized how much he needed that wimp of a king.

When you walk away  
I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now?

Wolfram's heart ached painfully at the recollection. He tried to remember happier times, but Yuuri's face had faded every time Wolfram had tried to etch it permanently into his mind's eye so that he would never forget. But he had, it was now a blur. He knew he had had black hair, and round, black eyes, but Wolfram could no longer remember his smile. The part that made Yuuri, well, Yuuri.

When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too

Just once more, Wolfram would give anything to see Yuuri once more, to hear him say "Don't call me a wimp!". Those words had meant a lot to Wolfram because when he called Yuuri a wimp, he knew only he could do that, and Yuuri would only say that to him. In a way they were encouraging. A tear fell at the extremely faint memory.

When you're gone  
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day  
And make it OK  
I miss you

Wolfram would probably never get on a horse, would never want to hold a sword, would never want to fall in love ever again. They would hurt too much, and he was scared that it might sully any lingering memory he could recall. He'd never felt such tremendous fear.

I've never felt this way before  
Everything that I do  
reminds me of you

Wolfram got up and walked over to the closet. There, still hanging up where Yuuri had left it, was his mock-school uniform. He carefully took it off the rack, as one would do with an important, old piece of parchment. He held it to his face, feeling the softness of the fabric. He inhaled slowly, inhaling Yuuri's still lingering scent, with a more overpowering scent of the herbal soap the maids had used to wash it with.

And the clothes you left  
they lie on the floor  
And they smell just like you

He carefully hung it up once more, and went to sit back on the bed. Wolfram was tired, but had learned to ignore it. He hated falling asleep. He would always dream of Yuuri. Yuuri would be telling him to move on, to forget about him. Wolfram always wanted to scream back that he couldn't, wouldn't forget about him…..yet he slowly was.

Do you see how much I need you right now?

He treasured the few precious memories he had left, but he felt that if he held on too tight, they would slip away like a bar of soap.

When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too

Wolfram would sometimes fantasize what it would be like if everything was how it was before the boxes, before Conrad's treachery. It would be him, Yuuri and Greta. They would be in the garden enjoying a deliciously made picnic. Greta would go off to pick flowers, leaving him and Yuuri alone. After a while, Yuuri would confess what a wimp he had been about the whole engagement and double-male marriages. He would confess to how he couldn't be without Wolfram, and he'd to his best to adjust, because he wanted to be together for as long as he lived.

Wolfram would sometimes get so caught up in his fantasies, he had trouble telling what was real, and what wasn't. He had gotten so scared one day when he woke up and Yuuri wasn't there, then having Conrad come in telling him Yuuri hadn't been there for a month and that he never would be (not quite as coldly, though).

Wolfram could no longer hear his heartbeat in his chest, but it didn't scare him. He knew that his heart had disappeared along with half of himself.

We were made for each other  
out here forever  
I know we were

When he thought back on it, he couldn't comprehend why Yuuri never noticed how hard Wolfram worked for him. Yuuri had downright ignored the reasons behind his actions, or misinterpreted them simply as a subject protecting his king.

All I ever wanted was for you to know  
Everything I do I give my heart and soul

Once in a while, Wolfram would slip away and feel like he was actually dying. He would wake up unable to breathe, choking on his loneliness. Eventually it would subside in a fit of coughing.

I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me

Once more Wolfram lay down on their bed, tears already falling from his eyes. After thinking back on the time that Yuuri had been away, Wolfram realized just how selfish he'd been. He wasn't the only one affected by Yuuri's departure, everyone in all of their world was effected. He wasn't the only one who felt it so strongly, Greta had lost her father once more and had looked to him for support. He felt so ashamed at how he had ignored her, she had just reminded him too much of Yuuri, but that was no excuse. He had been scared that he would be compared to Yuuri and he knew he could never even hope to amount to his level of love for their daughter. He had been scared that he would hurt Greta, but ended up hurting her ten fold more by distancing himself.

Wolfram wiped his eyes and got up. He'd have to carry on just like he always had. He'd have to do it for Yuuri, so all that he had worked for would not be lost in sorrow and grieving. He would apologize to everyone, pick up on his duties, and live. He would live for Yuuri. Wolfram stared out the window into the sky, noting that it wasn't as gray as usual.

"I love you, Yuuri" he whispered.

I miss you

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I'm sorry this sucked so bad, it was harder to do for some reason. Sigh

Please forgive me!


End file.
